Wednesday, February 25, 2004


I am fascinated by the way language is a fluid flexible ever-changing thing. These days it is rapidly changing and variable.
A couple of hundred years ago it was quite different. English was very much more like the Germanic languages with words like ‘thee’ ‘thou’ ‘thine’ and ‘thy’, now replaced with ‘you’ and ‘yours’ etc.
Some words simply go out of fashion are not used. E.g. ‘twice’ is still used but ‘thrice’ is not.
In the past language change was very slow and the same vernacular was used for hundreds of years without changing. Nowadays language can change over a matter of years or even months.
There is a lot of snobbery about speech. But these days many of the prejudices have been overcome.

My grandfather was a ‘country boy’ and spoke with a broad Lancashire dialect. As a young person I just accepted this and didn’t think much of it. Now after his death, I realise, I was privileged to hear this authentically spoken dialect. Most of the language spoken today is affected by TV and radio and local dialects are virtually non existent.
Its sad that these things are disappearing.

Friday, February 20, 2004

Why worry??

I have always been a worrier. I can worry about anything. If there is nothing to worry about I worry about that !!
I remember a long time ago I had got myself into a pickle and I was really worried about the consequences. I was walking home from work. It was in the days when I used to live within walking distance from work and didn’t have a car. I didn’t realise how lucky I was at the time.
When a life changing thought came into my head. Why worry ? It just doesn’t make sense. No matter how much I think about something, once all avenues have been explored and a course of action decided then all the worrying in the world will not make the slightest difference. So why bother ?

Every time I get all wound up and stressed and worried I have to repeat this to myself.
Try it.

Horrendous experience

I think I should have taken the advice from La P. The doctor said the spray would numb my throat and I wouldn’t feel a thing. The whole procedure will lest about three minutes. Ha bloody liar!! I wondered why I had two nurses holding me down as she started to shove the endoscope down my throat.
On the first attempt she managed to miss the oesophagus and blocked my air supply. “try to concentrate on your breathing” they said as I lay there retching and turning purple. Then she pulled the thing out to start again.
“ Oh its in” they said with a sigh of relief. She then promptly fed about six feet of tube down my gullet, not a nice experience. As she started to pull it out in stages inspecting my gullet as she did so I was thinking “this is definitely not to be recommended, I wish she would get a move on and pull the bloody thing out” or words to that effect.
Phew – thank god that was over. After all that there was nothing wrong. Good news. Except for my bruised throat.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

I have come to the conclusion that women drivers and ‘flat cappers’ are the cause of all the congestion on the roads.
Oh isn’t it lovely. I just love school holidays. No dozy women drivers, mothers with cars full of kids not concentrating on the driving properly and faffing about. In some ways they are worse than drunk drivers.
On Monday morning the traffic was really flowing well and I was looking at the other drivers they were nearly all men. I wish the roads were like that all the time.
This (of course) is not aimed at all women, just the ones who don’t seem to know where they are going or the ones who think they should move over into the right hand lane of a dual carriageway about 4 miles before they turn right and of course still amble along at 45 mph even though it is a 70 mph limit. Or even better ride alongside the car on the left and form a rolling road block. They seem to think the mirror is just for make up or watching the kids in he back as they bob around like ping pong balls.
Never mind that queue of 2000 cars behind and that nasty man who keep flashing his headlights at me.
And when it comes to making a decision like- the lights have changed to green, should I go? Or, oh look theirs nothing on the roundabout/road junction, I will stop at the give way just in case something comes around the corner.
And that’s when I am in a good mood !!

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Something to look forward to tomorrow. I am going to hospital to have a camera stuffed down my throat. The wonders of modern technology. Wonderful.
I am already shitting myself !!
I know 3 people who have had it done and all say its a doddle. But I keep worrying.
Must stop worrying.
Must'nt be so mard !!!

Easily Influenced

That’s me. Like a sponge. Anything I see or hear or read seems to colour my thoughts more than most. I am not a very original person. I have very few original or earth shattering thoughts and I am easily led. As you can gather by reading my posts. Most of my blogs consist of mega whinging and not many original thoughts and ideas.
I can listen to one side of an argument and agree, then I can listen to the opposite side and agree !!
That’s typically me. Indecisive.
Over the last few days I have been driving back and to work with the radio off. This gives me about two hours or more to think. I am beginning to hatch one or two thoughts of my own.

Friday, February 13, 2004

Work Ethic.
Apparently in the middle ages the peasants weren’t quite as badly off as we tend to think.
They had 80 public holidays a year, and they only worked enough to feed their families and pay their taxes to the lord of the manor. No fixed hours.
All that changed with the Victorians and the industrial revolution. People worked long hours for little money while their ‘masters’ lounged around in luxury.

Almost 200 years later we are still stuck with the Victorian work ethic. Only thanks to the trade unions and the selfless dedication of working men are things improving for the working man - the modern day serf.
Why is it necessary for everyone to work such long hours? Why cant we all work a little less ?
Maybe if we changed our priorities life would be less stressful and pleasanter for everyone.
I thought technology was supposed to free us from drudgery – it seem to do just the opposite !!

In no way could I be called a workaholic. I have a job to earn money to live. I do not have a career. I am not a go getter.
Something my boss just cant comprehend. He lives for the job and thinks everyone else should do the same. In the eyes of my company I am a lazy bad person. CRAP !!
I just have my values, my ‘work life balance’ in the correct order.

Thursday, February 05, 2004


Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Rain and Roads and women drivers

The reason roads get busier when it is wet is caused by a knock on effect.
More people catch the bus or use public transport to keep out of the rain. Eminently sensible.
Because the busses are full and congested then some people use the car instead of the bus. Some simply revert to the car to keep out of the rain. Hence a much larger volume of traffic on the roads.
Now because it is wet motorists are much more cautious and drive much slower. Road junctions are busier and everyone moves slower, queues are longer etc.


The worst culprits for dawdling, hesitating and being ridiculously over cautious are women drivers. OK not ALL women drivers are like this, just the majority.

To stop all congestion on the roads simply ban all women drivers.

Any men caught driving like a tart should be dragged out of their cars and shot !!

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

The bloke that I work for

The bloke that I work for ain’t a bad chap.
When I ask for promotion he says “not just yet.”

He gives me a smile when I ask for a rise,
“Sorry young chap – when you’re more wise.”

Then time passes; I love my wife and the kids,
I say to the boss “look I’m in debt - on the skids.”

He says he can’t help – can’t even try,
“Look at my overheads – they’re far too high.”

So I scrimp and I save,
I work and I slave,
I do as I’m told,
I start to grow old.

Hey boss I’ve worked here for years,
Since I was a lad – if I could retire I would be glad.

Sorry he said and nodded his head.
“It’s cost a great deal to train you and hone all your skills,
If I let you go it will compound my ills”.

I smiled – “about my promotion a job that is nice?”
He scowled “you’re too old – and don’t ask me twice!”

But I’m tired and depressed, working to make you rich.
“Get on with your work – don’t moan and bitch.”

The bloke that I work for is a really bad swine,
He thinks lack of dedication is a heinous crime.

Tied by my pension - stuck in a job that I hate,
Every day is a battle – I don’t feel too great.

Too old for promotion and stuck in my ways.
Too young for my pension and counting the days.

I’m stood in a hole, ten foot in the ground.
The sides are grey and smooth and round.

There’s no way out
There’s no way out


Monday, February 02, 2004

Observations around the office

Things in the office that Irritate:-

One female member of staff with a very loud voice that echo’s around the office is perpetually cold in the non summer months. She has a blow heater secreted under her desk. Many times she leaves it switched on overnight or even over a weekend when she is not there. Would she do that at home? No.

A few desks further up a guy is hot and has opened the window. He has not opened the vertical blinds and they are blowing in the wind, twisting and trying to better themselves to pieces. The traffic noise is really loud through the open window. Would he mistreat an expensive item like that at home? No.

There’s one person who repeatedly whistles the first few bars of “magic moments” , and has done so for the last few years. Once it gets into my head it lingers around and drives me mad.

Of course there’s the guy who leaves his mobile on the desk, leaves the office and his phone promptly rings. As people have said before – for Christ’s sake it’s a MOBILE.. take it with you!!

Does this kind of thing happen in all offices?
Am I just too picky?