an academic urge

Today  am feeling  little academic. I have always been a frustrated academic. In the past I have felt unfulfilled and inadequate , knowing my own inabilities and limitations.
Feeling  little detached from the world. As  child  I was very much in my own world, insulated from reality and its consequences.
Feeling as though I was in some way superior to everyone else, later just the opposite.
In the deep recesses of my brain I held the notion that  I was born to greatness. Delusions of grandeur maybe.
I have now outgrown these childish fantasies and come to realise that  great deal of academia is pretentious poppycock. That life is very simply  case of 'what you see is what you get'.

It seems to me such  shame that a lifetimes thoughts, emotions, and learning is lost when someone dies. Things can be recorded but unless it is done with skill and art then it becomes a one way thing, a  lifeless history.

I am trying to paste a eulogy about my father. He died today. It's a sad time to see him passing away, at age 95 with failing health he was glad to go to relieve the unendurable pain that  he was in.
It was nice to see him at peace at last.
He saw the privations of the great depression of the 1930's. He fought in the front line in the 2nd world war, he lost his wife 15 years ago, but carried on. He made a great effort to maintain his intellect and and strength right up to the end.
A father to be proud of.
He's my dad, I love him. There is a gaping hole in my life.

Sad day

Called in at my dad's empty house to tidy up and collect some things for him.
It's surprising how odd things can bring back memories. I was OK until I picked up the breadboard in the kitchen. That brought back memories from over forty years ago and made me realise the huge change and upheaval this was for my dad and how he hides his feelings to spare the feelings of others.
As I held that breadboard I remembered happy times when my mum was alive, my two brothers were there and I felt secure and part of the family.
Strange that past happy times make me sad.

Yesterday was a milestone for my father. He moved out of his house into a nursing home. He has accepted this up to now pretty well. For him this is a massive life  change, I suppose he feels as though he is giving up his freedom. Or maybe not, as he has been dependent on family support for most things for tbe last few years.
Its difficult to imagine how life is for him, seeing ones confidence  and abilities eroded away
Over the last few months he has had several falls and been in hospital twice. He is finding life very diffucult.
For us its nice to get out lives back. I will have to get used to having more free time!

today is my 9/11, my 94 year old dad had a fall this morning and I spent most of today in A&E. They do not rush.
He has been admitted for further evaluation until they can decide what to do with him.
Wonderful.

Unfortunately,due to excessive consumption of alcohol I am having difficulty in typing this message.
I would just like to say 'A happy new year to all my readers' (all 2 of you)!
May the new year bring you much joy in all your endeavors.

As I look at the history of my postings, I can see they are pretty boring and don't really reflect the true me. I am just too aware of people and cannot relax enough to express myself properly.

The result is a really boring person.

For example, I look at my life, I reflect on my past and I suppose (like every one else) that I could have made better choices, better life changing decisions. I know one shouldnt look back in this way, maybe its a sign I am unhappy?

Finally had my broadband fixed!
After wrangling with sky for a while I eventually had a visit from a BT engineer. He changed the NTE and hey presto from 490 Kb to 2.5 Mb. magic.