an academic urge

Today  am feeling  little academic. I have always been a frustrated academic. In the past I have felt unfulfilled and inadequate , knowing my own inabilities and limitations.
Feeling  little detached from the world. As  child  I was very much in my own world, insulated from reality and its consequences.
Feeling as though I was in some way superior to everyone else, later just the opposite.
In the deep recesses of my brain I held the notion that  I was born to greatness. Delusions of grandeur maybe.
I have now outgrown these childish fantasies and come to realise that  great deal of academia is pretentious poppycock. That life is very simply  case of 'what you see is what you get'.

It seems to me such  shame that a lifetimes thoughts, emotions, and learning is lost when someone dies. Things can be recorded but unless it is done with skill and art then it becomes a one way thing, a  lifeless history.